[There’s a beautiful blue horse sitting in the lobby today. His purple and golden mane is immaculate, sparkles occasionally flickering around him. His hooves are the prettiest of pink, a flower nestled behind his ear. He’s every princesses dream horse. He’s the sort of horse you’d get in your Barbie playset.

Well, except for one thing. He seems to be a beautiful magical flying horse with the voice of Christopher Walken. Well, you can't have everything, folks]

And here. Here I am. In an enchanted castle who’s purpose is to feast, feast on the empty void that is my soul for the rest of eternity. Oh. Oh they laughed, they mocked... mocked Twinkle the Marvel Horse when I told them of the atrocities awaiting us. But my dreams were right. And there is not a single soul here to acknowledge it.

[He heaves a forlorn sigh]

This is a tragic and ironic end to my ghastly and meaningless existence.