paradisamemes | (no subject)

(no subject)

Fourth Wall Meme

It's the return of the Fourth Wall Meme, and we're opening it for the next full week!

paradisa does not allow non-members to post or comment in our main community, so we're offering this as a place to roleplay with our cast. Both character journals and personal journals are welcome, as well as doubles, original characters, AUs, whatever. Not all can be applied to the main game, but they're certainly welcome here.

Premise:
You wake up in a giant, magical castle. Everything is beautiful and the castle grants material wishes. It also provides a magic journal to every resident that allows everyone to communicate with each other like a two-way radio.

Format:
[Actions] Dialogue.

IE:
[Mickey Mouse enters the room, and sits down at the kitchen table.]

Gosh, guys, is this place ever swell!

What are you gonna do?

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[When life gives you lemons, take them and sell them back at a 500% price increase.

Ymir had just shown up, but she could smell a market anywhere. Close to the castle, she's built what looks like a kid's lemonade stand, complete with badly handwritten sign that reads

YMIR'S STEEL MOUNTAIN CRAFTS

And has laid out a few swords and an axe and some daggers on her table, grinning wide, a tip jar on the side. She looks ridiculous, not quite even reaching four feet high, wringing her hand and massive spiked glove together like a slimy used car salesman might do. If it weren't for the fact her ears were fat and pointed, indicating she is not human, you might mistake her for some drugged out blacksmith's scammy little brat. Hell, you might anyways!

Her squeaky voice shouts out...]

OI! YOU! YES YOU! You look like a person of severely good taste; wanna check out my wares?

[ When Ymir saw the stand, her first instinct was to turn and walk away.

When the little girl behind it called out to her, her second reaction was to turn and walk away.

But the name on that sign? Too good to walk away from.

So instead, Ymir's sauntering on over like she owns the place. ]

Hey there. [ Leaning on the counter of her little booth. Then she stops when it creaks loudly like it's about to collapse. ] So, since my name's on the booth, does that mean everything here's mine?

[Haha too late, should've run, missy

She begins to go into one of her sales spiels, putting her massive armored hand under her chin and stroking it, smiling extra wide and looking as confident as she can.]

Oi, don't touch the merchandise unless you're paying for it, but anyways welcome to my shop and as you can see I made all these and----

[Wait, what the hell did you say? She shakes her curly haired head out and looks at you like you're high on something.]

Uh, that's clearly my name. Princess Ymir of Steel Mountain. The dwarf region, ya know? Nice try but I ain't giving you a fucking freebie, if that's what you're after.

No, that's my name. Ymir.

[ ...Her name feels a little lacking up against this name thief, though. ] Ymir of.... [ Man, Recon Squad sounds kind of lame in comparison. ] ...fuck it, just Ymir.

But this sign just says "Ymir's," not "Midget Ymir's," so hey. That means this whole thing is mine.

[YMIR cancels sale: interrupted by YMIR

That large steel fist of hers shoots out steam as she points her finger up at you. Oh look, her cheeks are puffing up and she looks cranky.]

Look, I dunno what kind of scam you're trying to run here, asshole, but you don't fucking talk to royalty like this! How dare you insult not only a princess, but your elder too? I'll have you know I've probably been around longer than your grandmother and I know some shit! You can't fool me!

[She slams her hands on the table and just screams in frustration, grabbing a massive, red, double headed axe she was keeping under the table and swinging it down towards the ground, trying to appear threatening.]

I'll kick your ass!

[ That's a big, shiny axe. Ymir ~~the real Ymir~~ doesn't seem scared by it, or intimidated, but it's at least her cue to stop laughing at the short and obviously-deranged kid. ]

Calm down, short stuff. I don't actually want your junk.

Now put down that axe before you hurt yourself.

[Okay, that's it, you're public enemy number one now]

WHO GAVE YOU THE FUCKING RIGHT TO INSULT ANY OF MY ANYTHING? I'll have you know this is STEEL from STEEL MOUNTAIN and I FORGED IT MYSELF! I'd like to see you fucking try to mine or forge any of this; your scrawny ass would fall over on the forge so damn fast!

[She starts swinging her axe around indiscriminately, huffing and taking a huge chunk out of the ground in front of you, trying her damnedest to look intimidating.]

Now put up or shut up! Where I come from, we settle our shit with duels! Have at you, knave!

[ Ymir's response is simple. A boot to the head. ]

I'm not going to duel a kid. I'd be the laughing stock of this entire place.

[ Just going to try and hold her in place with her foot. Glancin' around for something to.... contain her. ]

[Why you, you and your sneakiness and being taller than her and whatnot. She has her giant metal fist blow off steam again in an attempt to ram you over, only to find herself slowly being pushed downward into the dirt.

Goddammit.]

I already fucking said I'm not a kid! You don't even look any older than the queen of Gainos yourself, so look who's talking! Why I oughta...

[She just goes on and on, only managing to hack some grass away with her axe, completely lost in her own desperate attempt to salvage her ego.]

I'm old enough. [ Not opening up that can of-

OH HEY, that trash can is perfect! She reaches over, foot still on shadow!Ymir, and picks up the whole thing. Then takes off the lid. Turns it upside-down.

Get off of midget!Ymir.

Is that trash can going over angry!Ymir? Yes, it totally is. Or at least not-so-angry-but-stil-angry!Ymir is trying to go for it.

idefk anymore ]

[Wow, what a rude broad.

Here's a dwarf Ymir jumping around angrily in a trash can. Her voice echoes against the metallic sides, as indignant as ever.]

D-Did you just beat me? No, it can't be over yet! I'm gonna find you somehow and beat you; the great Steel Princess Ymir hasn't give up yet!

[Read: She's pretty much done for.

She sort of hops around towards you and flails her feet around. It is the sorriest thing you'll ever see in your life.]

Take this, name stealing fiend!

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(no subject)

Steel Princess Ymir | Queen's Blade

it had to happen

hello beautiful

fufufu

kekekekeke

/cackles

we're ridiculous

not as ridiculous as ymir

it's an innate trait of all ymirs to be ridiculous

best starting trait ever

p much