TEXTS FROM TONIGHT/LAST NIGHT

[heloise]

 
1. Nab a TFLN or write up your own!
2. Reply, react, whatever.
3. Have fun, drink all the beer, make all the bad decisions!
 

Comments

[fanstheflame]

Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.

[periculis]

Jesus, Gale.

[heloise]

He just said he would murder 1,000 husbands to be with me. Quite the charmer

plot-verse for better justice

[prettyknives]

mom wut the hell

[loisfuckinglane]

a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving

[spongetastic]

i saw someone do that with an ipad

[losteveryone]

He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that......

[spiritusaequitas]

thought i was going to put a burrito in the microwave and ended up in the fuckin laundry room. sorry about your shorts.

[sixguns]

How do you mistake the laundry room for a microwave? Christ Almighty.

[cyan_maid]

I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.

[fuhgottaboutit]

whoa u can do that??

[peeta_bread]

I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.

[fanstheflame]

at least its 6 texts and not 23???

[whichwayyoulean]

I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes

[ectobabble]

r they soupy or did they work????? if they worked i want one

[willalwaysfindyou]

Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere

[squartatore]

did anything weird happen

anything weirder

[deterrence]

we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.

[squartatore]

I think we need to teach you what straight means again

[huffythedragon]

He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.

[is0latedthinker]

Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?

[perfectisnteasy]

it was for science ok

[precede]

we need to find an occasion to wear tutus

[ino]

when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.

[accidentalrebellion]

what does that even mean?

[accidentalrebellion]

Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?

[peeta_bread]

what r u even talking about?

[onlyanapple]

fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

[echivoc]

ha! good shit.

[mal_addict]

Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.

[perfectisnteasy]

Why did you even drink the coffee? Is this a User thing again?

[webbing]

I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote.

[imalwaysright]

How much have you had?

[wastheexample]

No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything

[accidentalrebellion]

I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home

[plundersbooty]

Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence

[exanimatus]

I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.

[payback]

I hope your house burns down

[disciplines]

I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.

[echivoc]

I detect no lies.

[nothingtobelieve]

Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist

[fuhgottaboutit]

what do peakocks eat anyway
i mean theyre birds right?

[solar_absorber]

You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex.

[heloise]

IT'S A UNICORN